Realistic Homeschool Tips

We are currently in our 5th year of homeschooling.  Multiply that times 3 kids and that means I've officially homeschooled every grade from kindergarten through 8th grade.  For a mom who thought she would NEVER homeschool, it has turned out to be a great option for our family.
I have recently had some opportunities to encourage a handful of newbie homeschool moms.  After reflecting on our various chats, I thought I'd share some tips that were a common thread of those conversations.

1.  You will constantly doubt yourself.  I know that doesn't sound very encouraging, but I want to be real, straight from the beginning of this lil' conversation.  I doubted myself until the day I sent my oldest child to high school.  Did I teach her all she needs to know?  Did I forget something important?  Am I ruining my child?  Is every other homeschool parent doing it this way?  Seriously, what AM I doing??   It is normal to feel this way, but don't let those doubts take over.  Remember, if you've been called to homeschool, you were made for this.  Rise to the occasion and shine.

2. Give everyone a break, everyday.  No, I don't mean you need to take a half-day of vacay.  One of the best pieces of advice I received was to create an hour each day that we were apart from one another.  I know that sounds like a long time, but it is really worth it.  Everyone needs some space and when you homeschool, you are with each other 24/7.  To keep the relationships healthy, we "took a break" each day.  Most days I would require them to read quietly for 30 minutes (45 as they got older) and then they could spend the remainder of the time doing whatever they pleased.  The rule was that everyone had to be in a separate space.  For us, that meant each child was in their own room.  I explained that it wasn't punishment, but rather a tool to help us enjoy each other's company the remainder of the day.  Mom is no exception.  Unless they were bleeding or dying, they knew to give me my space too.

3. Speak their language.  Sometimes we have to get a little creative to capture their attention.  The picture below is a perfect example.  My son had no interest in fractions, because really, who cares how many ways you can slice a pizza, until the day I said we would use Legos to learn math.  

4. Stalk Pinterest.  You don't have to reinvent the wheel.  Pinterest is FULL of ideas for every subject and grade.  There are a ton of free printables and learning game ideas just waiting for you to discover.  We use the printable pictured below to practice spelling words.  

4. There will be bad days.  Okay.  There will be bad weeks.  But hang on.  Even the best homeschool parent wants to throw in the towel every once in a while.  Give yourself some grace.  Keep the big picture in mind and take a break if you need one.  Just because you have a bad week doesn't mean you are a failure.  Rock on!

5. Incorporate chores into their school day. During our first year of homeschooling our biggest battles weren't fought over spelling words or math problems.  We battled over chores constantly.  Some days they were full sized wars.  Other days the request to put away the clean dishes was met with major eye rolling or sighing.  I began to include one or two chores into their assignment list.  Guess what?  They never questioned it or complained.  For some reason (which I cannot explain ) if it was included with the school work they didn't contend it.  Once I discovered this little gem, I used it unashamedly to my advantage.  There were chores that went without saying such as making their beds etc... but I decided to use their list to incorporate a variety of chores/skills that they needed to learn.  Some examples were dusting the floor boards, mopping the bathroom floor, sweeping the porch, washing the dog.  

6. Discover together.  I have learned more in the past 5 years than in all of my years as a student.  When you get excited about learning something, it will be contagious.  Sometimes it is easy to "just get done."  Yes, the core subjects are important, but don't lose your child's zest for learning over checking off the list.  Carve out time to study something that is interesting... just because!  Reading and study skills are being sharpened without them realizing it!  We recently discovered these books.  I love books that ask questions to get the reader thinking.  

Speaking of asking questions, this is a WONDERFUL series for kids of ages 7 and up.  Great questions (some of which I've wondered myself) with excellent explanations!

7. Use your library.  I may be stating the obvious, but our library card gets a better workout than a Jillian Michaels DVD.  Rotating the books keeps your students interested.  Find books that go with what you are studying in history and science.  Even if your kids don't read them, make them available for visual learning.  Teach them how to do research using a simple book, then when it comes time to do a research paper they will have the skills needed.

8. Rotate learning toys.  For those of you who are starting out with young ones, utilize what you already own.  Collect the puzzles and learning toys.  Store them away and then pull out a handful of "new" games/toys/puzzles each week.  You will be amazed at how excited your children will become over a game that they haven't shown much interest in when it was sitting in their rooms.

9. Homeschooling can be lonely.  I think this was the most surprising piece of the homeschool puzzle.  I am not saying this to discourage you, but no one prepared me for this feeling.  Depending on how many co-ops and extra-cirricular activities you are involved in, you may find yourself feeling like an island.  There is a delicate balance between being involved in too much and isolation.  Because we didn't start out homeschooling, I felt that many of my friends who had children my kids' ages were already well established in their own groups.  I found that it was important that I built and maintained friendships that were not necessarily tied to homeschooling.  Of course there are fabulous friendships formed through the common thread of homeschooling, but it is important that we do not become an elitist group.  I strongly encourage my kids to make friends with kids from various schooling backgrounds.  This really helped when our oldest began public high school.
As a mom, I encourage you to be wary of isolating yourself.  You are pouring your very being into your children, but one day those children spread their wings and fly.  You don't want to be the only chicken in the coop when that happens.  (I love chicken humor, don't you?)

10. Enjoy it!  The days are long but the years are short.  Savor the moments.  Do things your kids will remember.  Get outside.  Take hikes and practice math facts.  Spread a blanket out in the sun and read aloud together.  Pull out the art supplies and create together.  Revel in these wonder years.  They are a gift.

A Picture Tells A Thousand Lies

The filtering lens of social media allows us to paint a beautiful picture of life, doesn't it? Sure, we occasionally post a picture of a bad hair day and give it a hash tag of #beingreal.  We are willing to share a botched recipe or a craft-gone-bad.  We may even go so far as to confess a parenting fail.
Even on our very worst days, our "good stuff" far outweighs the ugly when it comes to Facebook, blogs, Instagram or any other social spotlight.  No one wants to be a Debbie Downer, so when my day is knocking me down before I even slip out of bed,  I often choose silence rather than share my struggles.  It is much more safe to stay silent.
Safe.
Safe, but false.

When I only share the good/funny/beautiful, I am essentially giving you a one sided conversation (or slide show) of what I want you to think of me.  Not the real me with the hard edges poking out and unsightly rips in my confidence.

I may have this all wrong, but I'm guessing that there are millions of women out there feeling that they are the only ones who don't have it all together.
An imperfect island with rocky places and lonely spaces.
If you do have it all together, then you may stop reading right now and head over to Martha Stewart's website to plan your next party.  I'll venture to guess that many of you stayed right here with this imperfect girl.

A year ago, as I wiped tears from my eyes, I said to a friend, "I sure thought I'd have life figured out better than I do by this age."  No matter what age or stage of life you are in, Satan knows how to attack you.  He knows your weak points and vulnerable places.  It could be
your weight,
your loneliness,
your past,
your future,
your relationships,
your self-worth,
your marriage,
your children,
your  skills,
your job,
your finances,
your self-confidence.

Since my teen years he's attacked every piece of that list at one point or another.  The weak spot in my armor has moved around throughout my lifetime.  I have often tried to use one part of the "armor" to cover/protect another part.  I thought my weight would boost my self-confidence.  I thought my skills would cover the parenting of my children.  In more recent years I've allowed my relationships to validate my self-worth.
You already know how the story ends in that scenario:

I gain weight, my self-confidence sinks.
My skills falter, my parenting feels like a failure.
My personal relationships dry up, my self-worth implodes.
Are you tracking with me?  I'm about to get personal.  Real.  Open.

Over the past year I've dealt with some relational pain, rejection, and disappointment.  
I am a people person and a people pleaser.  Basically, I like people.  I want people to like me.  I want everyone to get along.  End of story.
But that's not the end of the story because it takes two to tango and some people just aren't meant to be dance partners.  I've always dreamed of having a giggle-under-the-covers-eating-pistachio-ice-cream kind of relationship with a sister.  I love my sister-in-laws, but the dots of our relationships are connected by holidays and occasional family get togethers.  I've spent the better part of a year letting go of a dream.   I had allowed the dream to cloud my self-worth.  I had forgotten that my value is in Christ's unconditional love for me.   He has called me to be the daughter of the Most High King, wife of an amazing man, and the mom of three incredible kids.  The other relationships are bonuses.  I struggle with keeping that perspective.  Do you?

From the day we stepped foot on this farm, my husband and I have made it our mission to share it with others.  We've had countless friends and family over for every kind of event you can imagine.  We like people.  We want people to like us.  See the pattern?
I was recently criticized for not including someone at an event.  We would never intentionally leave someone out, but the verbal cut was painful.  It was mostly painful because we find ourselves in a barren place of feeling excluded ourselves.  I've written about this struggle before.   What I still wrestle over, on a regular basis, is how rare my kids get invited to other people's homes.  Our doors are always open, but it is hard to not take it personally when others' doors are shut.  It is rejection via omission.  Satan was whispering his lies to me this afternoon: "Has your son ever been invited to his house?"  "You must have done some poor parenting for your kids to get excluded."  "You and your family are unworthy."  "They don't like you."
Have you heard those lies before?  I know I have good kids.  I know they are well behaved.  But Satan likes to weave truths into lies and when I listen, my heart grows heavy.  I feel helpless.
Just when I feel the burden grow weary, I am reminded of this:

O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in, behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

Psalm 139:1-5

Did you catch the beauty in those verses?  He KNOWS me.  He hems my heart in, behind and before.  He knows my intentions.  He knows my weaknesses.  He knows my vulnerable places.  He also knows what is best for me:

I am the Lord your God,

who teaches you what is best for you

who directs you in the way you should go.

Isaiah 48:17

So dear one, be encouraged.  He doesn't expect perfection.  If he did, then we wouldn't have needed a Savior, would we?  God promises to be all the armor we need.

The Lord will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

Isaiah 58:11 

As I wrote this post, it became very clear that I struggle with rejection.  Ya, the truth stings a bit.  I didn't write this for pity or even affirmation.  I wrote these words to encourage you.  Though life here on the farm is beautiful, we all have personal struggles.  I hope to break the false reflection of perfection.
The truth is, life is beautiful and messy and difficult and amazing.

Permission to Stop

 I envy this little guy.  Well, not the slimy part, but definitely his speed.  The last two months have been constant motion.  Between volleyball, homeschool, extra classes, church, and work my life has been spent in my car and on the go.  I crave stillness.
We carved out a day this week to stay home ALL day (3 out of 5 of us did ... public high school and hubby's job wouldn't go along with my plan).

We could have spent the day working on a history project or digging deeper into math concepts.
But we didn't.

We gave ourselves permission to just do the bare essentials of school to count it as a day and then we headed out.  It was the first brisk day of fall weather and we were itching to enjoy it.

My girl took me on a ride in the woods.  We stopped several times to enjoy the quiet.
Savoring the calm.

 Most of us need time to savor the quiet.  Sometimes we wait for someone else to give us permission to take the time to do it, though.  If you are waiting, I'm giving it to you.  Go.  Find a moment of serenity and breathe it in.  You need it.

 The next part of my day was spent on a hike with my sweet boy.  He knows how to win my heart...

 No, not by flowers, though they were a sweet gift.  His hand in mine without me being the one to initiate it... that's what breathes life into this momma's heart.

Are you in a rush?  Is life squeezing so hard you don't have time to breathe in the moments?  Give yourself the gift of stopping.  It doesn't have to be all day.  You know what you need.

Mothering: Releasing the Chains of Fear

"What if they don't turn out right?"  "What if I've utterly messed them up?"
It is the voice of fear. I know her voice so well.  It is a word we shame.  It locks onto our hearts and flows into spaces only the Comforter can fill.  Fear is not often discussed because it reveals weakness.

When you are in the throes of motherhood, the floundering moments often burn brighter than the cumulation of moments flourished.  We are so skilled at seeing our weaknesses and momentary failures that we begin to believe that our mother-making is a failure.

Be encouraged.
Your role as a mother goes beyond the tendrils of doubt and past the reaches of a few bad days thrown into the pot.   You are the mother that God chose for YOUR children.
Even the best of us have days that the comfort of downy blankets call with the promise that starting over would be better for everyone.  The most relaxed mothers still have moments of exasperation.  We are imperfect, needy humans.  We are human.  Only the Perfect Father could survive days of sibling rivalry, ungrateful hearts, and wearisome behavior without hiding beneath the veil of failure.

Some days this mothering business is more about molding the mother's heart than the rearing of children. Your heavenly Father desires to see you bloom and flourish.  He desires for you to recognize your need for Him.  He is the one who will ultimately fashion your child's heart.  You are the gardener, given the soil of their hearts.  It is a privilege to labor and toil in the dirt.  It is also messy work that requires rest along the way.  We are not asked to create perfect children.  We are given the tasks of watering their souls with God's truths; protecting them from the weeds of destructive culture; and tending to their needs with a heart of love.

Before you allow the "what if's" of fear to fill your heart,
remember that He has.
He has your child in the palm of His hand.
He has the future.
He has enough grace to cover our mistakes.
He has chosen you, regardless of your weaknesses.
He has the ability to bound  the chains of fear and set your heart free.

When Being the Life of the Party Becomes Lonely

"Emma is a really good friend, Mom.   Not only is she sweet, funny and kind, but she also invites me over to her house.  It's not just me having her here all the time."  These words were spoken by my twelve year old daughter just last week.  Her statement couldn't have been more timely.  Over the last few weeks, I have been pondering the same sentiment, albeit a little less from the cup-is-half-full perspective.

My husband and I love to entertain.  We enjoy planning events.  We love people.  One of the main objectives of our farm purchase was to share it with others.  We crave fellowship, whether it be a crowd or a couple.

But sometimes...
~sometimes it gets lonely being the one to invariably invite others into our home
~sometimes rejection stings
~sometimes it would be nice to be invited to do something without being the planner

Life is busy, but sometimes the lack of effort is painful to those we don't even mean to hurt.  I can pretty much be sure that none of our friends are thinking, "let's NOT invite them over."  I think it is more of an oversight, an omission rather than intentional.

Over the last few months we've waffled between "what's wrong with us" to "maybe we'll just stop the invitations and see what happens."  We have some dear friends who have also dealt with this issue amongst their extended family.  They chose a "Year of No," not to retaliate, but to protect their hearts because they felt they were setting themselves up for hurt and disappointment when their efforts were not reciprocated.  In some relationships, that is the boundary line that is necessary for the protection of emotional health.
We aren't to the point of a "year of no", but we feel the sting.

The most difficult pill to swallow is when we begin to see our kids suffer.  My oldest daughter recently said, "Mom, I'm always inviting friends over, but I feel like they never want me to come to their house.  It really hurts."  Yes, baby, it does hurt no matter how old you are.  My response was that our house is a fun place to be and we make people feel welcome, so they want to come.  Which is true, but sometimes it would be nice...

So today I encourage you to seek out those in your life who are the "life of the party."  Might they be feeling lonely?  Are you extending the hand of hospitality?  What about your children?  Are you teaching them the value of hospitality?
You don't have to make it a production.  The size of your home doesn't matter.  Real friends don't mind if there are dust bunnies in the corners.
A thoughtful invitation rejuvenates the soul, warms the heart and builds relationships.

I'm joining Imparting Grace today

10 Ways to Be a Better Mom

1. Call it a date.   Even if you can only squeeze in a trip to the bank and a milkshake in the drive thru, call it a date. Focused attention on each child, tells him that he is important as an individual, not just part of the herd.  Turn off the radio and ask questions that make him smile.
2. Listen, even when it is annoying.  Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about.  ;)    You've been there.  Some conversations are just roll-your-eyes-boring.  If my child is wanting to talk to me about all of the Lego battles that were won on our carpet, I need to listen.  Yes, there are days when I want to poke my eyes out because I've heard about the cute 7th grade boys a thousand time over.  But, so many treasures are hidden in the lines of my child's day.  If she is willing to let me peek into what is important to her, I need to be willing to listen ... and respond.
3. Say "I'm sorry" without giving excuses.  We all speak before thinking.  Some days (especially if my patience is running thin) I respond with clipped words.  It's not so hard to say "I'm sorry," but it is a stretch to say it without adding, "but if you had not _____________ I wouldn't have responded that way."  What are we teaching our children about true repentance if we constantly give excuses for our own words?
4. Love their Father. My children need to see my love for God.  Is it evident in the way I speak?  Do they see me spending time in His Word?  If not, then I am no better than the parent who says, "do as I say, not as I do."
5. Love their Daddy.  I could write the same lines as above.  Do my children see my love for their daddy?  Do I speak well of him?  Do they know we're crazy about each other? Do they get an eyewitness account of what God designed marriage to be?
6. Lighten up.  I don't know about you, but when my schedule fills up, so does my seriousness level.  Sometimes I allow my "business face" to take over because I'm trying to check things off the list.  Do you ever wonder why there is a crease between your eyebrows?  I wonder about mine too, but I have a slight suspicion that it comes from being too focused on all that "must get done."
7. Get a little CRAZY.  It is important for our kids to see and experience the fun side of mom. Crank up the music and show them some of your dance moves.  If you are like me, I don't really have dance moves.  Just, uh, moves.  White-girl-got-no-rhythm moves.  Not too long ago I cut loose and even let them record my crazy jig.  Did I embarrass myself?  Yes.  Would I die if anyone outside of our family saw the video?  Yes.  Will my kids remember how much fun we had that hysterical afternoon?  Y.E.S.
8. Touch them.  In a society that is saturated with perversity, it is sickening that I have to type this with caution.  Our children need to be touched by their moms.  Don't allow the depravity of our culture to steal the affection that your child needs from you.  Hug them.  Tickle them.  Squeeze their shoulders.  Hold their hands. Kiss their cheeks.  Even as they get older, DON'T STOP.  They need appropriate physical touch.  If that void isn't filled by healthy relationships, they will seek it from someone else.  That thought makes me shudder.
9. Worship freely.  When you see the markings of God's paintbrush across the sky, take the time to give the Artist the credit.  If a song of worship comes on the radio that moves your soul, let them see that you are awed by your Creator.  How many days do we allow to slip by without praising our Maker?  Allow it to be a natural part of each day.  Your children will learn, through example, what genuine worship is; not just something they attend on Sunday mornings.
10. Enjoy them.  "The days are long but the years are short".  I would shout that phrase from the rooftop if I could.  Yes, the daily grind is hard.  No, it's not a bowl full of cherries.  No, motherhood is not for the faint of heart.  BUT, you can enjoy it.  If you've been through a tough season, take baby steps.  Look for little delights that are brought to you through the lives of your children.  Savor the sweet moments, for these are the ones you will remember into your golden years.  When your children sense that you enjoy them, they will feel the security of love flow over their hearts.  To be treasured is one of life's greatest gifts.

I'm joining Grace at Home  and Front Line Moms and Pieces of Amy today.

Peace: Are you Looking for it Too?

Peace.
Ironic that we hear it spoken the most during this month of December, yet, most likely feel it the least. Are you seeking peace in this busy time of year?

What does true peace look like?
A sleeping baby with cheeks recently kissed by the breath of heaven?
A calm starry night?
Winter's touch on blades of grass?

Heaven knew we would need peace; freedom from the disturbance that sin smatters across the human race.  The ancient Jews were anticipating a royal King.  Heaven delivered the Prince of Peace in the form of a babe, on a quiet starry night.

Sometimes I expect  fanfare when I really just need to experience the quiet.

In this busy season of merriment, pressure, and festivities, my soul yearns for the calm and contentedness that only His peace can bring.
As an adult, Jesus used the word peace
as a greeting;
as a command;
as a promise.
I am so thankful that He began His time on earth with peace.  One day we will celebrate the fanfare of the King of Kings returning, but for now, I am seeking His perfect peace.
As we anticipate the arrival of Christmas, let us not forget what peace looks like:

• contentment
• tranquility
• quietness
• restfulness
• calm

Occasionally in the midst of the splendor of the season, we need to step back and breathe the calm.



I'm linking with Grace at Home

Making the Beautiful Out of the Imperfect

 I yearn for the beautiful, but life is messy.  Do you avoid blog reading because it makes you feel less-than-perfect?  I do sometimes.  It's no secret that I'm a Pinterest fan, but I can allow the tendrils of feeling overwhelmed and insufficient slip in as I scroll through the pages.

Today I want to encourage you.
The only perfection we should be striving for is Jesus. If we seek perfection in anything else, especially ourselves, we will be left as tattered flags on a battleground.
Beauty, not perfection, is an attainable goal.
I don't have it all together.
I hide in the pantry and eat chocolate.
My closet looks like a bomb detonated.
I would rather read a book than teach Algebra, and sometimes I do.

What if I looked beyond the messiness of me and saw the beauty in my days?
Attitude is transforming.
As I was loading the picture above, I had to giggle.  My fall gourd vignette topped off with a hair band on the white pumpkin.
Life being lived is so much better than still-life.

*********************************************************************************

We have our first big event at the farm this weekend.  Needless to say, we are tying up all the loose ends.  We never accomplish more than when we're about to have company.  Can you relate?  

One of the projects to complete is our well house.  It needed to be painted and my man only has so many hours of daylight left thanks to daylight savings time.  I really wanted to paint it for him, but the constant mind battle of I-should-be-focusing-on-homeschool began.  I decided to start early and get as much done as possible.  As I started on the second side, I looked up and saw this:

My sweet boy brought homeschool to me!  He climbed up on the well house and we worked on his writing assignment as I painted.
Beauty out of the imperfect.

My daughter decided to join us and as she sat down next to the pond to work on grammar, she noticed that we have some new neighbors.

True beauty.

Our neighbor across the pond added a pony to our view, too.

I sometimes fall into the "yes" pit.  I say yes to stuff and then wonder why I feel like my household is out of control.  I realized that I had been saying "yes" to too much tv.  Yesterday I declared that it was a tv free day.  "No tv?!"  At first my kids couldn't understand why I was being so "mean."  I even doubted my reasoning.
However, when I came in from painting the well house, I found my girls playing cards.
On their own.
Without mom's suggestion.
Getting along.
Enjoying each other.

Yes.  Beauty out of the imperfect.

I encourage you to look for the beauty in the messiness of today.
Seek and you will find.  ;)

Are You a Lifeline?

Assume the best in others.

That's how I try to approach all relationships in my life.  This world is already full of hard lines and jagged opinions.  I don't want to add to the hurt the world offers.  Why do we assume the worst in those we should be loving deeply? Negative assumptions only breed pain and often shut doors that could lead to beautiful treasures.

Relationally speaking, it has been the hardest year of my life.  Twice in nine months I've been the recipient of someone assuming the worst in me.  I followed the path into depression after the first blow.  I know, I said the "D" word.  That's how deep the pain of assuming the worst in someone can cut.  Even a girl with everything in the world going for her can be broken by the assumptions of others.  It took a long winter {and frosty spring} for me to crawl out of the grip of  depression.  It's not a topic I've pondered much until I found myself caught in the swirl of self-doubt and emotional pain.  I've often prided myself on my happy-go-lucky attitude toward life, so writing the "D" word is scary and humbling.
But it was real, and it stunk, and I felt very alone.

Over the course of the summer, and with much love poured over me from my Lord and my precious husband, I was breaking free.  Free from the curse of words.  Free from the grip of painful assumptions.

Until today.
Today I learned of another who has been assuming the worst in me.  Someone I thought would always believe the best has presumed the worst.
My heart breaks over the assumption that I would choose to be devious and vengeful.

 Satan's lies sure do have a way of weaving into beautiful relationships.  Here's what I've learned, though:  Not only does it hurt the recipient, but it also robs the other person.  The two people who assumed the worst in me distanced themselves from me, missing out on the blessing of a beautiful, genuine relationship.  They also forever lost out on creating treasured memories with me and my family.

Judgement and speculation only create chasms, heartache, and pain.
Let's assume the best in others.
It can be a lifeline to us all.

Goodbye November

It's hard to believe this is the last day of November.  November tends to be a tranquil month, doesn't it?  It slips in, ready prepare our hearts.

My heart needed quite a bit of pruning this year.  

It's been quiet around NEM, have you noticed?  I've had a rough couple of weeks and needed time to process rather than vomit words/feelings onto the published page.  

I have had a soul wrestling season.  Do you have those?

  

While this blog is a place for you to find encouragement and humor, I also desire for it to be a place that is real, exposing the lie that bloggers have perfect lives all tied up in a bow.  I try to be as candid as possible about my joys, daily blunders, and heart matters.   I am often encouraged when I discover that other women are dealing with the same kinds of life-stuff that I am.  It keeps us on the same page, digging through life together.

However, I recently learned the hard way that sometimes when we are transparent with others it opens us up to criticism and skewed perspectives.  I've been through a world of hurt over this and I need to apologize to you.

My post about our finances may have come across as discontentedness.  What a world we live in, for me to complain about medical bills when there are so many who have never seen the likes of a Bandaid.  I know that I have more than some could ever dream of.  My life is full.  I have much to rejoice over.  My world is not built upon the ups and downs of our financial journey.  I have 3 precious children and a wonderful husband that are living gifts worth every diamond in the world.  My heart is full.  I do not want to have a complaining spirit.  Sometimes in my effort to keep it real, it comes across as discontentedness. Yes, the weight of this world is too much to bear sometimes, but I am filled with gratefulness.  

This "November heart pruning" has made me realize that sometimes we assume things about others which causes a separation of souls.  For example, if you saw my new Christmas tree  lights, you might be scratching your head wondering why I would complain about finances when, clearly, I had enough to purchase new lights.  You would assume that I was spending recklessly and deserved to be in the pit I am in, after all, I dug it!  What you might not realize is that I used some of my Christmas money last year and shopped the 75% sale after Christmas to replace the lights that we had used for 15 years.  Now my spending doesn't seem so reckless, does it?  I'm not trying to justify myself.  I've just been made acutely aware of the danger we can be to one another (and ourselves) when we allow judgements to cloud our view.

We all already know our own imperfections.  We don't need others to point them out or look for ways to dig chasms.  I am as real as it gets.  I don't try to hid behind a veil of false perfection.  I struggle.  I heart-wrestle.   I desire to be transparent with you.  

We all need grace.

Since it's the last day of November, I thought I'd finally share my fall mantle.  

Better late than never, right? 

Critical Words

Words that build up.
That's what we all desire, need.
Words that make souls stronger.

A critical person adds to the wearing of the soul.  
I do enough of that on my own.
When I am surrounded by the criticizing, I have no hope of getting it all right.  That's a hard pill to swallow for a pleaser.
Do you have a critical person in your life?

I've learned (the hard way) that I will never be able to change the criticizer.  I will never be able to do all that is expected, the right way.  It is painful to live life alongside a person doesn't look for the good in others.

Thankfully, the Lord has opened my eyes to the lies I was believing.  I have realized what a gift I have in my husband (who chooses not to criticize me, when he has many opportunities on a daily basis.)
Even greater a gift, is my Heavenly Father who does not seek for the bad in me, yet rejoices in the good.
Sometimes we see God as the one with the giant "NEEDS IMPROVEMENT" stamp in His hand just waiting for us to do something wrong.  In actuality, He sees only good, through His love and mercy.  He does not tolerate evil, but when He sees me, He sees the beauty of my faith in Him.

Oh that I would look for the good in others.  It is not my job to look for the mistakes, the poor choices, the trivial.  I want to be a woman who chooses to seek the good in others and rejoices over them, just as my Heavenly Father does for me.

Choosing Carefully

With two preteen girls in the house, we've had lots of cautionary conversations about the pitfalls of gossip.  We've discussed it in our weekly 6th grade girls' bible study.  We spent part of our summer study looking into the power of words. We frequently talk through the importance of choosing words carefully.
It is a lesson that takes a lifetime to learn.

I live in a bubble of sorts.  I surround myself with caring women and genuine friends.  Nevertheless, I was recently reminded of the destruction gossip can bring.

I stood at a table of used textbooks and chatted with two acquaintances.  Both claim to be Christian women.  Neither had an excuse for what came out of their mouths as I browsed their wares.
They spoke of a mutual friend, not caring that I was standing within earshot.  Grumbling about insensitivity and other annoyances they found in her.
Wreaking havoc.
  
What is it about women and gossip?
It's relational.
It's about power.
It's about tearing another down to make myself look better or justify my feelings.
The irony?
It leaves a path of destruction on the character of the one speaking.


Oh that I may learn to choose my words carefully.

Peace Be Still

This is my first attempt at making a video.  It's a collection of some of my favorite photos set to a very special song. (Peace Be Still by Rush of Fools)

*Scroll down to the bottom of the page and turn the volume off the playlist.  Then come back up and enjoy.

Beautiful Today

  

One day at a time

This is enough.

Do not look back 

and grieve over the past

for it is gone.

And do not be troubled 

about the future 

for it has yet to come.

Live for the present,

and make it so beautiful

that it will be worth remembering.

~Ida Scott Taylor

Releasing the Resolution Grip

We often start the new year off with a list of goals and resolutions, that are usually lost within the busyness of life by January 27th.  Good intentions, but often unrealistic.

This year, rather than making a list of goals and plans, I decided to chose one word.  

Just one word.  

Purposeful.

I can apply that word to so many areas of my life.  

I can remember one word so much better than a list of do's and don'ts.

Purposeful in my parenting.  Purposeful in my walk with Christ.  Purposeful in my eating habits.  Purposeful in how I spend my time.

See!  It's so much easier!

Some of the runners-up were:

Aware

Diligent

Joyful

Content

I challenge you, on this Eve of a fresh new start, to put away the long list of self promises and unattainable goals.  

Release the grip of guilt that often comes with New Year's resolutions.  

The start of a new year should bring freedom, not guilt.  So choose a word that fits YOU.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Because I'm a dork, I just have to show off the snow we accumulated the day after Christmas.

This is a BIG deal 'round here.  We don't get a winter wonderland very often; and for this winter lovin' girl, I'm as happy as a polar bear!

Happy New Year dear friend!

Thanks for being a part of my 2010!

P.S.  I'd love to hear what word you might choose!

If I Could Sum it Up

Being one who loves a little change every now and then, I recently changed the song list here on NEM.  I wanted to include this song because it speaks the words I would say if you were feeling discouraged or just needed a "word hug."   

Be strong in the Lord
And never give up hope

You're gonna do great things

I already know

God's got His hand on You

So don't live life in fear

Forgive and forget

But don't forget why you're here

Take your time and pray

And thank God for each day

His love will find a way

These are the words I would say

What a beautiful legacy to pass on to our children as well.

Be encouraged today and enjoy your weekend!

 The Words I Would Say by Sidewalk Prophets.

Join Me

Pull up a chair, grab a cup of joe and join me. I'm having an iced mocha with real whipped cream and an extra drizzle of chocolate. It's only 1000+ calories, but hey, it's cyber world. Calories don't count.

I thought we'd have a little girl-chat this morning. I wish you were here in your fuzzy pj's curled up on the couch. I've got some questions for you today. You may choose to answer them through the comment button; or you might just want to ponder them in your heart.

1. How are you doing? Really doing? Maybe you are facing a new chapter in your life. A child flying from the nest, moving on to college or maybe spreading her wings in kindergarten. Is a career change, relocation, or health battle on the horizon? Possibly you are just worn down. It has been a little too much of the same ol' same ol' for too long.

Sometimes we just live life, go through the motions, without taking the time to step back and examine the heart.

2. Are you content? Contentment is one of those things that can come and go as quickly as a summer storm. I can feel perfectly content until something beautiful floats into my line of vision. Suddenly I'm not so satisfied with what I have. It's hard to walk away, but it is a choice. Do I live for the "what ifs" or do I thank God for the bounty of blessings that surround me each day?

3. Are you enjoying life? There is a difference between being content and actually enjoying the gift of today. Sometimes this is verrrry hard to do. Are you choosing to find the joy? Look for it. Some days I have to look harder than others. It may be too painful to look at your whole day. Search for little moments that evoke pure joy. When was the last time you listened to the sound of a twittering bird sing her lungs out?

4. What can you polish that has become a little dull? Maybe it is your marriage; your mommy-words; your exercise program; your walk with the Lord. Take some time today and reflect on what needs a little work.

Ladies, don't let your marriage slip. Keep the fires burning. Select one thing that will show your hubby an extra measure of love. You know, better than anyone else in the world, what would make him shine. Just do it. It will be worth it.

Having trouble taming the tone of your voice? Listen to yourself speak to your children and then ask yourself, "would I speak to anyone else this way?"

How is your walk with the Lord? He has so much to give to you today, but you have to look in His word to find it. Seek that treasure... it is there for you!

Oh, I have MUCH to work on! I'm so glad that we've had this little chat. It has made me realize some things that I've just allowed to slip for a while. Time to sharpen up and live life to the fullest!

Have a day full of blessings!

Jumping In

It's almost comical how differently my children and I approach a swimming pool at the beginning of the summer.  The water is cool and refreshing, often taking my breath away.  As I carefully maneuver the gradual descent into the water I catch my breath, dreading how cold the water will feel with each step.  It is a slow, almost painful event, shivering and gasping as I go.

Meanwhile, my children have jumped in and are squealing  with delight.  Their bodies quickly adapt to the temperature and they are enjoying the benefits of the initial plunge.

Oh, how this parallels my spiritual journey!  So many times I hear the Lord calling, and yet my lack of faith hinders me  from taking the plunge.  I delay the benefit of being able to bask in the rewards of faithful stewardship.  I slowly respond to His call, waiting for Him to confirm and then reaffirm the call. When He calls to me, I know His voice (for He is my Shepherd), yet I often hope that maybe He actually meant to call someone else's name.

When I asked my children what they thought about this, their answer was amazingly simple: "We need to listen and obey."  It's funny how our favorite parental phrases can come back to bite us!  Yes, I need to just listen and obey.  We have taught our children the importance of immediate obedience ... what a lifelong lesson!

I want to be the sheep that follows the voice of her Shepherd, simply because He has called.  I want to respond immediately to His call.  I want to jump in, ready to rest in the assurance that He has called, and I have obeyed.

Today I must make a choice:  Am I ready to take the plunge, or will I endure the disappointments of choosing to follow his call only on my own, unsteady terms?

Lord, help me to respond to you with a cheerful, enthusiastic attitude.  I don't want my clouded view to hinder the joy of jumping in and following your plan.

John 10:3-4

Tattered.

That is what judgment can do to a soul.  It can take a beautiful individual and rip it to shreds. 

Who are we to judge?

Who called you to judge?  Criticize?  Set the standard?

We all do it.  We often judge the book by the cover.  Or the girl by the shoes.  Or the mom by her children's manners.  Or the man by his financial choices.

We are not called to sit in the seat of judgement.   It is a seat reserved only for the Eternal Judge.   He created me and He knows me, the motives of my heart.  If I am being judged by anyone other than the most high king, who knows me so intimately and still loves me as his own, it inconsequential.  And yet, to be judged is painful.  It strips away joy.  

  I cannot truly be myself if I think I will be judged.  If I am near the judger, I am automatically on edge, aware of my every move, word, action. There is no freedom to be me.   Walls are erected.  Have you ever been in that position?  Maybe you've been around someone that has little tolerance for children, so you suddenly become acutely aware of your child's behavior, manners, speech, volume.   Judging them through the eyes of your own judger.

 I once attended a women's group that left me feeling judged because of my wardrobe (or lack thereof).   I began to notice that the women in this group dressed a certain way;  wearing only the best brands our city could offer.  While I dressed appropriately, I could not afford, nor did I want to spend  our hard earned money on the new spring collection.  Judgements were made and walls were built.  Friendships that could have been were missed.

So I've been pondering these questions lately:

In what areas do I judge others?

What have I missed out on because of my judgements?

Am I allowing other's judgements/standards to hinder me?

Am I listening only to the one true Judge?