August 27, 2013

Wishing Away and Holding On


When my fresh-from-heaven firstborn introduced me to 3am feedings, I wished  I could sleep, even for a mere 5 hours.  At first, my sleep deprived mind didn't comprehend the soul-satisfying bond I was missing by the wishing away.  By the time my second and third children came along I realized that sleep was overrated.  The tender moments shared in the silence of the night were precious seconds that could never be replaced.

When my middle child reached the age of four I wished away the temper tantrums.  Yeah, I don't miss them much, but I do miss those sweet little hands with dimpled knuckles holding my face saying "I yuv you, Mommy."

When my girls had trouble staying quiet for little brother to nap, I wished away the noise.  Now I would give anything to hear their squeals of laughter and make believe chatter wrapped in pink princess attire.

When eating at a restaurant took a village, I wished away the need for a high chair and cutting up bite-sized finger food before my own turned cold.  Restaurant dining is much more enjoyable now that they are old enough to cut their own meat and order their own adult-sized food.  But occasionally I miss the sippy cup and cheerio stage.  It represents a time when my children were completely dependent upon me.  Was it overwhelming?  Yes!
I. still. miss. it.

When I took my children to the library I wished away the picture books because I was fearful that my attempts to teach them to be good readers was failing.  We read a thousand picture books, but the chapter books were always the "greener pasture."  Now we visit the library and I'm the only one who stops by the thin books with beautiful pictures.

I cried the other day when I realized my son no longer takes baths.  He didn't announce that he was done with that stage of life.  It just simply slipped into the archives of life.  I yearn to find superheroes lining my bathtub and pull a pruned boy into a terry cloth towel.

This tilt-a-whirl of motherhood can leave us spinning.  Wishing away and holding on at the same time is an oxymoron that lives and breathes.  I've done a lot of holding on this summer because our family is stepping into a new phase of life.  I'm having to let go and hold onto the sweet memories that my heart aches to relive.

To the sweet momma in the trenches of diapers and whiney afternoons: hold on.
Don't wish away.  You will need these sweet memories one day.


10 comments:

Gretchen said...

Sending hugs, my friend. We're definitely speaking the same language. Although, I promise...after Mary and Comfort get done with their many thousand science fair projects, I won't miss those. ;) But yeah, for the other stuff...absolutely.

I remember holding Jenny, when she was an infant, and having her little leg just barely wrap around my tummy. I knew then that the days were zooming by, as I thought to myself - "How long will I be able to hold and cuddle my baby girl in just this way?"

Sandy said...

Beautifully said! Though they wear you out at most stages, each stage is so precious.

Joy for the Seasons said...

{{Bless you sweet mama}}

Joy for the Seasons said...

{{Bless you sweet mama}}

Nicolemommy said...

Oh how I needed this! My kiddos are 10, 8, 6, 4 and 21 months. 'Nuf said.

Alisa said...

love this!!! :)

townhomemade.com said...

I was so encouraged!

townhomemade.com said...

I was so encouraged!

Sandy Agens said...

As a mother of almost 3 weeks, I greatly appreciate you writing this. Thank you.

Caitlyn said...

Ugh! I have tears streaming down my face after reading this post that I somehow stumbled upon whilst aimlessly browsing pinterest tonight... I am in the midst of the diapers, whiny afternoons and picture books x4....so thanks Gretchen. I needed to hear that perspective!!
Catie Shores (Scheuer)