Are you preparing your child to be a responsible adult?
That question was proposed over 4 years ago at a parenting conference my husband and I attended. It has stuck with me because it is so simple, yet poignant. The very foundation of my job as a mother exists on that question. Are my parental expectations yielding the result of a growing, maturing child on the way to adulthood?
Oy. Sometimes my desire for them to "just be kids" gets in the way. When my girls were in a traditional school, I would often do their chores for them so that they would have time to play after school. Am I the only one who thinks like this? Thus, rendering me and my husband as the one(s) who were solely responsible for the upkeep of the house. Not only did this wear on me physically, it also did damage to my children.
What kind of responsibility do they learn when they only SEE me do the work? How will they know how to keep house one day, if only by observation? It is a gift to my children to teach them household responsibility. They won't realize that gift, much less appreciate it, until they are out on their own.
We are not off the hook with our sons. Your future daughters-in-law will greatly appreciate the effort you made to teach your son the value of being responsible, not only for his own things, but for the home in general. It does not take away their masculinity. Rather, it prepares them better for the professional scene. Wouldn't you rather have an employer that manages an orderly business and works as a team on projects?
Back to my concern of giving them time to play after school. Consider this. If you were willing to require only 10-15 minutes per day of "chores" from your children, it could potentially eliminate (depending on the number of and ages of your children) your need to:
1.) Dust
2.) Put away clean clothes
3.) Put away clean dishes
4.) Feed the pet
5.) Set the table
6.) Pick up toys
Is this for your benefit? Yes and no. Yes, you will benefit from it, but the ones that will truly grow from it will be your children.
Seriously, what's 10 minutes (15 if they are pokey) out of the entire day?
Don't fall into the trap of enabling them to be lazy. Boy, I sure fall into this easily.
My friend KR said: Okay. So when do you do your chores? You have a flock of little ones whom you school at home. You have hungry mouths to feed and clothes to wash like the rest of us. Just honestly curious about your schedule...do you have set times that you do X Y and Z, do your kids have set jobs they do for you, how do you get it all done?
Elizabeth added: And to go along with that, which rooms are the easiest/hardest for you to keep picked up?
First I need to thank Kellie for this grand idea. I don't do it exactly the way she does, but she got the ball rolling at our house.
We use fake $$ as allowance. This frees me up from having to have cash on hand (which I never do). Each Monday, when I'm being a good, consistent mom, we begin with this chart:
Each child is given $4 in the first pouch (with their name on it). Throughout the week, it is their responsibility to keep the rights to the $$. When I ask them to do a chore (like the ones mentioned above) they must do it with a
good attitude and
completely. If either of those are not fulfilled, they lose a dollar. By the way, they never touch the $$. Only the banker/mom handles the money right now.
The following Monday we go to the bank and deposit the $ into the right "accounts" and we start it all over again with 4 more dollars. The accounts look like this:
$2 always go into the "God" account (tithe), then $1 into the "Save" account and whatever is left can go into the "Now" account. The kids can earn extra money through extra effort/chores.
This has been a huge help when we are in the dollar section of Target and they have to have something. When I agree that they can buy as much as they want to, but it's coming out of their "Now" account, they usually stop and consider how important it really is.
As far as my schedule goes, KR, I'm a pretty laid back person, so I don't have a specific cleaning schedule. I'm working on that, though. :) But check out my other
Kellie-friend. She's got an awesome family schedule! I must say that the Lord blessed me with a husband who loves a clean house and does more than his share of the work. Over the years I have adopted his love of a tidy home and this makes us all a little more happy and peaceful.
I think I'll save my cleaning/tidying theories for another day since this turned into a marathon post. Sorry KR and Elizabeth. I'll answer your questions this week ... pinky promise ;)
QOTD: How do you encourage your kids to pitch in around the house?