Why, at the age of 30 mumblesomething years old, do I still get nervous about buying feminine hygiene products?
I usually only buy them at Target or Walmart because it is easier to hide them under layers of stuff and then wedge them discreetly between cereal boxes on the conveyor belt.
Heaven forbid I run into someone I know with a box of tampons sitting on the top of the cart!
Why do I break out into a cold sweat when I see a man running the cash register? Why can't I just walk up with my head held high and put those puppies down? I mean I've been buying them for 20 years!
Sometimes I wish I were brave enough to plunk them down on the counter and growl "whatchewlookinat?" Mr.T style. But no, not me. I cower. I strategically plan my shopping trips to avoid embarrassment.
Except for days like today.
Today I was desperate.
I went to the drug store.
I was trying to shop as discreetly as possible, to avoid the loud, "What's that, Mommy?" questions from my children.
I was so out of my comfort zone, with no cart to shield my secret purchase.
As I stood in line, my hormones screamed for the king size Reeses Cups on sale.
I caved, naturally.
I realized what a hormonal dork I looked like as I casually tossed my jumbo sized box of tampons and my king size candy bar on the counter. Yeah, I may as well have bought estrogen pills and a douche for good measure.
And then I looked up.
A teenage boy.
Poor guy. I'm sure he wanted to laugh as much as I wanted to run and hide in the racks of mascara. Bless his heart, he was trying to be friendly throughout the transaction.
But then he said it.
Do you want a bag for this?
Ummmm.... no, let me just put the jumbo box on the top of my head and parade myself through the parking lot while I wolf down my king size candy bar.