March 16, 2011

Just Say NO.

We'll start with the face since it's the window to your soul, or something like that. :)

1. Bronzer.  If it is more than one shade darker than your natural skin color, please say no.  
I walked into the dentist office the other day and was blinded by the orange woman behind the desk.  I truly almost laughed out loud.  I was just waiting for one of my children to ask the million dollar question.  


2. Eyeliner on the bottom lid only.  Girls, this only gives you that droopy eye look.  No, not bedroom eyes... rather, the I-grew-up-in-the-80's look, or possibly the I'm-just-too-tired-to do-the-upper-lid.  If you have to choose one lid, make it the top one.  
Speaking of eyes...
3. There are a very select few (in the world) who should be allowed to wear Aviator sunglasses.  If your name ends in Cruise, as in Tom or Penelope, then you may wear them without shame.  Otherwise, just say no.  Seriously.  

See?  Even in the 70's people thought they looked good in them.  But they didn't, did they?
Let's just camp out here for a minute, shall we?  There's so much worth mentioning:
high waisted pants, PLAID jacket with a MATCHING vest, the collar, the glasses, the hair.  Oh my.

4. Matchy-match.  Unless you are a 4 year old twin or on stage in Branson, Mo, it's usually not a good idea to try this look: 


5. With spring just around the corner, I thought this might be helpful:
No matter how much of a studmuffin you may be, mint green suits are a no-no.

6. Speaking of mint green...
Can someone please explain this concept to me?  Why does a toilet need a parka?  Why does a toilet lid need a knitted hat?  What is the purpose of this?  Anyone?
Please undress your toilet.  It's okay for it to go au-natural.

7. I have no good segue to this one.  Because really, nothing goes with MOLESKIN fabric.  Nothing.  It should be outlawed.  Only a woman over the age of 90 can get away with it; because if she has lived to that age, she has earned the right to wear whatever she doggone pleases.  No one else.  Period.


8. No words are needed for this one:

What's a fashion NO-NO that you wish everyone knew about?  

18 comments:

Amber said...

I've been so out of the loop lately, but I'm so so glad that this is the post that I come back to...

You have just managed to make me smile today, my friend. And today was a hard day to make that happen.

:)

Thoughts for the day said...

This is very funny... keep up the humor and YES I agree with you either wear your makeup correctly or don't wear it all.

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

This cracks me up, Gretchen!

Love #1. Orange is for cute kitchen rugs...not your face! :)

I also really, really hate white shoes with dark hose. You'd be surprised how many people I see wearing that combo and making me cringe. If your hose are dark, your shoes should be too!!!!!!!!!

Kathie Truitt said...

As I don't have a degree in fashion, and as an owner of a beautiful, expensive, mole-skin jacket that I get tons of compliments on from those who DO have a fashion degree and ladies at the club I frequent (which happens to be one of the oldest in the country) I shall refrain from answering your question. Just as I refrain from criticizing anyone on what they choose to wear or not wear.

What others wear may not be 'my taste', but it's always in 'bad taste' to criticize 'their taste.'

New Every Morning said...

My, my.
I do believe I hit a nerve.
This was a post just-for-the-fun-of-it.

the bennetts said...

oh no.

i had to laugh because i only do eyeliner on my bottom lid (its usually a few-months phase, i'll eventually go back to top and bottom. sometimes it's just TOO much.) and i wear aviators. when i can remember where i put them last. i have to admit, Gretch, that i look pretty darn cute in them, too :)

were those pink shoes from Lady Gaga's website? admit it, you're a closet-Gaga fan. BLEH.

you know, i think SHE is a fashion faux pas. [shudder].

i agree, clothing toilets is ridiculous. todd's grandpa's toilets look like eskimos and it is both tacky and gross. how often are those things cleaned? i am a clean-bathroom-freak and can't handle things like that. if i can't swipe it with a clorox wipe, it doesn't adorn my bathroom.

oh, and the moleskin for the 90 year old woman? i agree. and she should also be allowed to toot whenever she wants/has to. she's earned it.

New Every Morning said...

Emily, you are gorgeous enough to be considered Hollywood. YOU could totally get away with aviators ... and pretty much anything else you put on that cute little body. :)

Alisa said...

This post had me laughing out loud, Gretchen!:) Hilarious! Loved it...

ashley said...

This was great!!! I may have to stay away from you at church this week, so you don't make fun of me and my hubby's matching outfits... ;)

Mrs. Sojourner said...

Hilarious.

Tracey said...

1. Here's my fashion no-no..

As a person that just returned from a field trip that had many, many mommas with little kids running around...

If you choose to wear the low-rider jeans (and I know it's hard to find anything else)...

PLEASE wear a shirt that is long enough to cover everything that shows when you bend over to pick up your child, your diaper bag, sippy cup, etc.

2. Here's a blog reading tip..if you don't agree with the post, don't take it personally, just smile and move along. Life's too short to try to be everyone's guidance counselor.

3. For the record, I rocked the aviators when I was in college. ;)

Amy said...

OMG....this is just TOO funny. And Top Gun is one of my all-time favorites as far as movies go. Hubby & I went to see it in the theater back in the day when we were in college & dating.

Amy Kinser said...

I love it! You made me smile as I read down your list.

I try to keep in mind that if I wore it as a teenager, I don't need to wear it as a 42 year old woman even if it is fashionable again.

I also hate seeing thongs that come up above ladies pants. That is a REAL no no.


Oh, but I am so sure that I put things on that my kids die over and should tell me NO about.

Norma said...

So, I have been researching moleskin fabric as a result of this post. I thought I might have a moleskin skirt, but it turned out to be ultra-synthetic faux suede. Whew! ;)

BTW: I <3 Aviators. They are quite the hipster thing right now. What can I say? Even though I am chronologically ancient, my heart is forever young.

Amy said...

Personal taste, style, means or circumstances dictate fashion choices. There are plenty of days I'm a "don't." I took the children to school in my slippers and jeans with a hole just yesterday. . .

the bennetts said...

i can vouch for ashley- she and david always coordinate if not match completely ;) todd and i? we'll NEVER turn you away. we clash every. single. week. if we even come close to matching/coordinating, then todd goes upstairs to change. on purpose.

you should find a picture from How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days- I'm sure you've seen it. when andy comes in in the khaki plaid scarf with the matching sweater on the "chinese crested" and a matching button up for ben.

Kellie said...

LOL... well, I guess Steve and I are just gonna have to get rid of our matching clogging outfits. Thanks, Gretchen.

Dinahsoar said...

Toilets were clothed this way because back in the day there were no sweat-less tanks...the tank and lid clover absorbed the sweat...and kept it from dripping and pooling onto your bathroom floor. And the lid cover made it warmer to sit upon with your bare fanny...and if the kids raised the lid too hard it softened the 'blow'.