It's hard to believe this is the last day of November. November tends to be a tranquil month, doesn't it? It slips in, ready prepare our hearts.
My heart needed quite a bit of pruning this year.
It's been quiet around NEM, have you noticed? I've had a rough couple of weeks and needed time to process rather than vomit words/feelings onto the published page.
I have had a soul wrestling season. Do you have those?
While this blog is a place for you to find encouragement and humor, I also desire for it to be a place that is real, exposing the lie that bloggers have perfect lives all tied up in a bow. I try to be as candid as possible about my joys, daily blunders, and heart matters. I am often encouraged when I discover that other women are dealing with the same kinds of life-stuff that I am. It keeps us on the same page, digging through life together.
However, I recently learned the hard way that sometimes when we are transparent with others it opens us up to criticism and skewed perspectives. I've been through a world of hurt over this and I need to apologize to you.
My post about our finances may have come across as discontentedness. What a world we live in, for me to complain about medical bills when there are so many who have never seen the likes of a Bandaid. I know that I have more than some could ever dream of. My life is full. I have much to rejoice over. My world is not built upon the ups and downs of our financial journey. I have 3 precious children and a wonderful husband that are living gifts worth every diamond in the world. My heart is full. I do not want to have a complaining spirit. Sometimes in my effort to keep it real, it comes across as discontentedness. Yes, the weight of this world is too much to bear sometimes, but I am filled with gratefulness.
This "November heart pruning" has made me realize that sometimes we assume things about others which causes a separation of souls. For example, if you saw my new Christmas tree lights, you might be scratching your head wondering why I would complain about finances when, clearly, I had enough to purchase new lights. You would assume that I was spending recklessly and deserved to be in the pit I am in, after all, I dug it! What you might not realize is that I used some of my Christmas money last year and shopped the 75% sale after Christmas to replace the lights that we had used for 15 years. Now my spending doesn't seem so reckless, does it? I'm not trying to justify myself. I've just been made acutely aware of the danger we can be to one another (and ourselves) when we allow judgements to cloud our view.
We all already know our own imperfections. We don't need others to point them out or look for ways to dig chasms. I am as real as it gets. I don't try to hid behind a veil of false perfection. I struggle. I heart-wrestle. I desire to be transparent with you.
We all need grace.
Since it's the last day of November, I thought I'd finally share my fall mantle.
Better late than never, right?