May 17, 2010

Do Not Assume

1. Do not assume that when the box of hair color says "Beige Brown" it will actually turn your locks into soft beigy beauty. It should have read "Darker than you are used to Brown"

2. Do not assume that even though you usually dye your eyebrows to match your haircolor, that they will actually match when using "Beige Brown."

3. Do not assume you will not look like Groucho Marx for the next 36 hours after using said color.

4. Do not assume that you can get out of showing your face in public during those 36 hours. Your children may or may not have an awards night that you are expected to attend sans sunglasses and ball cap.

5. Do not assume that just because I dearly love my children and am truly proud of their year's worth of work that I will actually enjoy sitting through 2 hours of watching 150 other children receive certificates. Oh, and 6 middle schoolers do 15 minutes of modern dance. I am a proud mom, but I am also human.

6. Do not assume that part of me didn't want to print up my own certificate, hand it to my child, and then head to Dairy Queen to celebrate. Go ahead, judge me.

7. Do not assume that I am not nervous about end-of-grade testing. This 1st year homeschooling mom feels like the IRS just showed up at her door and I opened it holding stolen cash. Naked.

8. Do not assume that I don't have to adjust my attitude about church music on a regular basis. I'm not strongly opinionated about much, but when it comes to praising my Lord, I have a hard time with sour-faced choir members "leading" worship.

9. Do not assume that I'm going to say much more about that. Today.

10. Do not assume that I've cooked dinner for my family this week. Let's just say I'm very thankful for my mom, my husband, sandwiches, Kraft in the blue box, and cereal. I could eat cereal for dinner every night if not for the guilt factor.

Do you have a "Do Not Assume" list?


Amy Kinser said...

What a great post. I so love your honesty. Very amusing...

How is your hair now?

whimzie said...

Well, you know what happens when you assume...

So I won't.

But I can't say that I won't giggle a little at your latest adventures. Because you have to admit that they are funny.

ashley said...

This is great!

As for the middle schoolers doing the modern dance... I could NOT stop laughing. Don't judge. :)

Elizabeth said...

I'll try not to assume, but the more I think about it, I think my mom may have pulled a #6 from your list.

The Girl Creative said...

That was hilarious!!! lol I should make one of these. I think i just might! I have a new blog I'd love for you to check out. Adding your button to my blog now. :)

Carpool Queen said...

I hear your hair color woes, sister. I hear ya'.

Guess I won't be seeing you this Sunday?

Sandy said...

Well the brows must look pretty good because I didn't even notice. I do know that white brows grow in more quickly & show more than the hair on our heads...
And you know I LOVE Dairy Queen....

Kellie said...

HHAHHA!!! I love it! Are you still a lovely dark shade of brown? We could be twins. :)

Number 10... oh, yes, I live that. lol

Tracey said...

Handful of cash, in the buff, with the IRS at the door has nothing to do with being a FIRST year homeschooler....become friends with this feeling...because it shows up every.single.year. Just sayin'

Don't assume that I've worked through the emotions of reviewing my kids' EOY test scores. sigh.

Don't assume that the scores are terrible..or even remotely may assume that they are just fine. You may also assume that my perfectionism rears it's ugly head every time the scores arrive.

You may also assume that I loved this post...and that I'm glad I'm not in the choir..hahahahaha

Angel said...

Here's my list. Thanks for the suggestion, it was fun to write!

Do not Assume
1. When you are told you will only have to shop for the Boy Scout Troop once and be done, that your son won’t volunteer you to do it again to show the next family how to do it.
2. Do not assume that your son busting his eardrum prior to said shopping trip for scouts would keep you from shopping at 9pm at night on a Thursday with other scout families (whom you have never met) without your son.
3. Do not assume you will be able to leave all the newly acquired shopping goods with the other scout families attending said shopping trip as they did not bring a vehicle large enough to transport a cooler and two bins filled with food items, therefore extending your commitment to hauling the food items to the rally point the following evening for the trip your son will not be attending.
4. Do not assume that having a mini stay-cation will be relaxing and save you money after your husband has been DVRing DIY Network as of late.
5. Do not assume all water saving shower heads are created equal-as you hear screams coming from your eldest son in the main bath, claiming that the flesh has been scoured from his back.
6. Do not assume that your husband will replace the water saving shower head until both sons have experienced the pain of going green.
7. Do not assume having floors predominately of tile and laminate will keep your dog from choosing the area rug to get sick on.
8. Do not assume that having floors predominately of tile and laminate will keep your niece from choosing the area rug to get sick on.


Amber said...

Don't assume that I haven't missed you. BECAUSE I SO HAVE!!!

I think I'm back from my bloggy hiatus, and I'm
Because I've been missing my girl!!

How's the hair? Been there. Dyed that.

Richella said...

I've never before made a "Do Not Assume" list, but after reading yours, I think I need to.

I am so. very. scared. about hair color. I've never colored my hair before. . . but the grey hairs are starting to be so many in number that simply pulling them out is proving to be futile. I know I'm fortunate that I've reached the age of 46 without ever having to color my hair--but I'm also spoiled! I don't want to start!

You are such a lovely woman that I very, very much doubt that you looked anything other than great, even for those uncomfortable 36 hours. :)

Gretchen said...

Do not assume that I won't swipe this for blog fodder. ;) I'm sure you and your eyebrows are gorgeous, GOTE.

Sarah said...

Do not assume that just because I'm a pediatric nurse, that we don't eat french fries, chocolate cake, chicken nuggets, etc...probably more than once a week. (But hey, the healthy stuff helps absorb the bad stuff!).