August 22, 2012

Are You a Lifeline?


Assume the best in others.

That's how I try to approach all relationships in my life.  This world is already full of hard lines and jagged opinions.  I don't want to add to the hurt the world offers.  Why do we assume the worst in those we should be loving deeply? Negative assumptions only breed pain and often shut doors that could lead to beautiful treasures.

Relationally speaking, it has been the hardest year of my life.  Twice in nine months I've been the recipient of someone assuming the worst in me.  I followed the path into depression after the first blow.  I know, I said the "D" word.  That's how deep the pain of assuming the worst in someone can cut.  Even a girl with everything in the world going for her can be broken by the assumptions of others.  It took a long winter {and frosty spring} for me to crawl out of the grip of  depression.  It's not a topic I've pondered much until I found myself caught in the swirl of self-doubt and emotional pain.  I've often prided myself on my happy-go-lucky attitude toward life, so writing the "D" word is scary and humbling.
But it was real, and it stunk, and I felt very alone.

Over the course of the summer, and with much love poured over me from my Lord and my precious husband, I was breaking free.  Free from the curse of words.  Free from the grip of painful assumptions.

Until today.
Today I learned of another who has been assuming the worst in me.  Someone I thought would always believe the best has presumed the worst.
My heart breaks over the assumption that I would choose to be devious and vengeful.

 Satan's lies sure do have a way of weaving into beautiful relationships.  Here's what I've learned, though:  Not only does it hurt the recipient, but it also robs the other person.  The two people who assumed the worst in me distanced themselves from me, missing out on the blessing of a beautiful, genuine relationship.  They also forever lost out on creating treasured memories with me and my family.

Judgement and speculation only create chasms, heartache, and pain.
Let's assume the best in others.
It can be a lifeline to us all.




10 comments:

Kay @ Off the Beaten Path said...

Gretchen you have beautifully expressed some emotions which I have found difficult to articulate. I've been through very similar situations in the past 18 months. Only, for the most part, the false assumptions were made about my husband (a pastor) and then I was just left out on the line to dry. Friends deserted us, me, and then I had no recourse. I completely stand by my husband and know that the assumptions made about him and his judgment were unwarranted. Those who bothered to come to him and ask questions had their hearts set at ease; those who did not bother (and oh, that hurts that they didn't bother) walked away from what I thought were friendships. Sad. Hurtful. Deeply hurtful.

Thank you for articulating what I could not. You are so right. We have a choice to make. It is always best to live in the light of truth instead of in the shadows of assumption. May God continue to heal your heart...and mine. I know He will.

Tracey said...

What people assume in others is a window to their own soul. Their assumptions are a brief sketch of how they, themselves, would act or have acted in the past.

It's sad to watch their documentary...especially when they don't realize they've become an open book for everyone to read.

Prayer. Only thing that works...for both sides.

Hugs.

Bugs and Sunshine said...

Very wisely spoken.

This is so much of what our sermon was about on Sunday, relationship. It's what I've been pondering all week, so it is timely you write about it too.

Ps 139 is our passage to study this weeek.

Love you girl, your words are always so encouraging.

Shannon Dingle said...

I truly can't imagine anyone expecting the worst from you, my friend. Love you, and am thankful for you. I'm also thankful for this encouraging post and praying that God sends sweet encouragers your way this week!

emily bennett said...

oh this breaks my heart, gretch.

i've found that a million people who like you, encourage you and bless you can so easily be overshadowed by one single person and their hurtful comment. that's all it takes. and it's so hard to feel loved, encouraged and wanted again- the Enemy continually reminds you of that one person and what they said. it's terrible and makes me long for Heaven.

i'll be praying for you- i know your heart is hurt and heavy. praying the lifelines in your life rally around you now, to remind you how much of a lifeline you are to them! you are a blessing, i hope you know that, sweet gretchen!

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

GRETCHEN! I hear your heart on this and can so relate. 2011 was a year of so much relational loss for me. It left me pretty devastated but I can honestly say now that I'm stronger because of it. And I love better now too.

I think the hardest part is knowing that untrue things are being said (or assumed) about you and feeling helpless to do anything about it. For me, I still hope/pray that the truth of my life would speak louder than the lies. But sometimes I really want to defend myself! :)

I'm sorry for your pain. Relationships carry such a weighty burden. Sending a hug and prayer for you today.

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

GRETCHEN! I hear your heart on this and can so relate. 2011 was a year of so much relational loss for me. It left me pretty devastated but I can honestly say now that I'm stronger because of it. And I love better now too.

I think the hardest part is knowing that untrue things are being said (or assumed) about you and feeling helpless to do anything about it. For me, I still hope/pray that the truth of my life would speak louder than the lies. But sometimes I really want to defend myself! :)

I'm sorry for your pain. Relationships carry such a weighty burden. Sending a hug and prayer for you today.

Karen said...

((Hug))
Your transparency is always refreshing and encouraging.

KutchFamof4 said...

Oh, Gretchen, my heart breaks for you. I can't imagine anyone assuming anything but wonderful about you.

I pray you feel God's comfort and His arms wrapped around you.

Erica {let why lead} said...

I'm so sorry about your pain. Thank you for the heartfelt reminder to assume the best!