Warning: This post is rated LO (ladies only)
A few weeks ago I placed a little survey on my blog about marriage.The question posed was which do you struggle with the most 1) communication 2) intimacy 3) conflict over parenting styles. Each scored several points, but the winner of my unofficial survey was intimacy. This came as no surprise. Unfortunately, my husband and I have recently discovered the alarming number of marriages that are suffering greatly in the area of intimacy.
Ladies, I'm going to be very frank. Your man NEEDS to have sex. Hello, nothing like starting the day with a cup of coffee and a sentence like that! It is a physical/physiological need. God created him that way. Kind of like he created me with a need for chocolate. --Kidding! (Sort of)
Just like the body needs water to live, a marriage needs intimacy. Some days I don't drink enough water. Am I dying? No, but my lips are dry, my skin is rough and things don't ahem flow like they should. If I deprive myself of water for too long, then yes, I put myself in danger. Marriage without intimacy is the same way. If a man and woman are not sharing physical intimacy, then companionship is diminished and the protection against temptation is impaired. If the lack of intimacy continues, then it leaves an opening for something (or someone) to fill the void.
I love how Martha Peace puts it in her book The Excellent Wife:
"The word "satisfy" means to be satiated. In other words, the husband is so satiated with her love that no one else would even get a second glance. It would be like eating and eating until you were stuffed. If someone then offered you your favorite dessert, you would not even be tempted. Likewise, the husband is to be "satiated" with his wife's love."
The first time I read that passage, I was 9 months pregnant and remembered thinking, "I don't think my husband is satiated right now." :)
As with most things in marriage, we must be willing to put our spouse first and self second (within a context of healthy boundaries). Sure, there are many times when I don't feel like it, have the energy, much less the desire for physical intimacy. That's when I need to remember how important it is for my marriage.
Every couple is different when it comes to frequency. I once had a friend ask me how often they should be having sex. The mere fact that she was asking, was an indication that they 1) need to sit down and talk about it, during daylight hours 2) increase the frequency.
Are you withholding yourself from your husband?
Are you using physical intimacy as a "trump card"?
Think of intimacy as the best gift you can give him. Don't use it as a weapon. Ask God to help you see it as a gift rather than domestic drudgery.
Keep it frequent.