March 16, 2010

Marriage: Celebrating the Differences

He's tall, I'm short.
He loves Mt. Dew, I hate it.
I love coffee, he can't stand the smell.
He loves all things rugged.
I love all things domestic.

It's humorous. Most days.
I haven't always found the humor in our differences. I used to harbor it against him. I used to want him to change. Then I realized that my desire for him to change assumed that I was right and he was wrong. Oh, that stubborn pride.

Has anything changed to make it better?
Yes. My attitude.
I still don't understand the glory of camouflage, but I'm learning to appreciate his taste... because it is HIS taste.
Why would I make a battle over something that could be celebrated?
Make a game of it.
Not too long ago I kept finding Mt. Dew bottle caps in my glass jar. My glass jar. Doesn't he know that glass jars for for pretty things like eggs, shells, and fall foliage? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Rather than making it an issue, we chose to make a game of it. We started hiding the bottle caps in various places for the other to discover: in my toothbrush drawer, in his shoe (that might have been a little painful), on my dashboard, in his sock bin, on the bathroom ceiling (I told him that wasn't fair because I can't reach that high.) It was a silly game, but it was better than getting annoyed.

My husband recently got a new phone and I lovingly set his wallpaper for him: a picture of my Starbucks cup. Needless to say, it didn't stay on his phone for very long, but we both got a chuckle over it.

I've learned to lighten up, and enjoy him for who he is (and all of his cute little quirks).
I'm choosing to celebrate our differences, rather than allow them to become lines drawn in the sand of a battle field.

What are some differences between you and your spouse that are humorous?
Do you have a fun "I love you" game that you share?
Do tell!


Carrie said...

Let me count the

He (too) loves Mountain Dew. I love Dr. Pepper.

He hates to thrift shop. I love it.

He doesn't like to experiment with plants because "he thinks" he knows everything.

He likes to nap. I like to DO.

He likes to hunt. I do not.

But we love each other. I learned long ago that I can't change him. We can improve ourselves but we can't change each other. I leave notes around the house since I leave so early every morning. He likes stupid nicknames and it makes me laugh so there's lots of that too. :)

Cindy said...

I have to ask how long you guys have been married? B/c I have to be honest it took me a long time to get to the point your at. To stop getting upset about my husband doing things differently than I want them. My issue was leaving the bath mat on the floor along with dirty underwear. Now I could care less. I don't get upset b/c it is such a small thing and I know I do things that drive him nuts. Now I just pick it up and toss the undies in the dirty clothes. I do have to say that most days they are picked up by him.:) Guess I changed him a little. I love him for how wonderful of a father and husband he is.
Game- we use to write little goofy love poems on the comp for each other. When the person would turn on the comp they would get their little surprise.

O Mom said...

I love to clean. He loves the dirt. We use to argue about it all the time. Now when he comes in the house and I'm sweeping I just start sweeping him and we both think it is so funy!
Thanks for the great reminder to just embrace and be more tolerant of eachothers differences, make it fun not upsetting!

Amber said...

I think your bottle cap game is precious.

The husband and I don't have anything as cutie as that (and I'm insanely jealous that we don't!) but we are just about as different as two people can be.

I went through the exact same "He must change" phase, and then realized, like you, that I was making it all about me. Since I've relaxed and let go, it turns out I'm becoming a lot more like him than the other way around.

And you know what? It's okay.

Thanks for these special.

Carpool Queen said...

The Mt. Dew bottle tops crack me up. I think I need to rethink my strategy about bridging our differences.

Suz said...

I am loving your marriage theme! Ya'll are a great couple, even in real life!

And since you know me and my know how different we are.

I am the chatter...he is the quiet one.
I talk in circles....he talks in a line. Point A, Point B, Point C, etc.
I am not a huge fan of basketball....he is passionate (obsessed) about the Tarheels.
I love flea markets....he rather not go.

But I love him for who he is. There are days that we get on each other's nerves but usually end up laughing about it.

If there was a hidden camera in our house, people would not believe how silly we can be (really how silly he can be). We have nicknames for each other and make funny sounds to each other. Only us would understand what the sounds mean!

Esther said...

What a great post! I can certainly relate, as my husband and I are quite different in our personalities, likes/dislikes etc.

You know, before I got married I wrote a list of things I wanted in a husband (like many girls do!), thinking I knew best what I need. The man I married is quite different then my list...he's BETTER! God really knows what and who we need, not just for now, but for 20 years from now. He gave me the best :)

"If you treat a man as he is he will stay as he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become the bigger and better man." Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

anthonyandbeth said...

i'm loving your blog. :) and loving these marriage posts too. :)

Janel@Dandelion Dayz said...

Golf. I just don't get it. But he loves it and I try really hard to understand his love for it.

I'm an extrovert - he is not.
I'm a spender - he is not.

Great post - embrace the differences. I like how you have fun with yours.

Laura said...

Does throwing grapes from 10ft away to land in one another's mouths count as a game? If so, that is our game. We've been perfecting it for years, although its seasonal so we start fresh every spring. This should only be done when the children are not present. The last time we slipped up and did it in front of them, they decided to toss their juicy mandarin oranges at the next meal while I had turned my back. On the other hand its not bad for them to see us being playful either.

My husband loves to play and I need to be more creative in that department. Next time I'll initiate the grape toss and then come up with something new.

Gretchen said...

In the realm of all things football, I have learned that if you cannot beat it out of him, then joining is a good option. I don't love it, but I can nod my head like a bobble-head and knit the cozy fall afternoon away.

And he has learned not to turn off QVC the second he walks into the room. ;)